Why contraception ain’t just my headache

Fun stuff comes with responsibilities. That means that if a lad doesn’t want to be paying child support or actively participating regularly in the upbringing of their kid, then that lad better be part of the responsibility as far as contraception is concerned.

Out of biological necessity and the limitations of medicine, most contraception more sophisticated than condoms usually involves the woman doing something, eg, the woman remembering to take a pill, or the woman having a hormone injection, or whatever. These treatments are not risk-free, and may have unwanted side effects. In a lot of cases, doctors don’t know what the risks and side effects will be, especially when it comes to long-term use.

And when contraception fails, the bloke involved better be prepared to contribute to the cost or logistics of emergency contraception or abortion. Why? Because he’ll have to deal with the consequences too if the contraception-failure results in a baby.

This should be obvious, but the number of times I’ve heard men and women comment that they expect women to take the responsibility for protecting herself from pregnancy if she doesn’t want kids, and that if her efforts fail, the man is not in any way responsible. Even worse is the often-heard expectation that men will flat-out refuse to use condoms so it’s pointless to even suggest it, and women should instead take responsibility for finding contraceptive methods such as the pill that men don’t have to participate in.

Quite frankly, my attitude to that is that any bloke who wants to fuck without any having to take any responsibility for the potential consequences of fucking, is too selfish and irresponsible to be worth fucking. Men with this attitude of are putting their partner’s health at risk without any consideration for the fact that they are doing so.

That said, the choice of contraceptive method that a couple will use may boil down to what the woman wants if the contraceptives she’s picking from are ones that affect her body. Why? Because most contraceptives are not carry health-related side effects and risks that the woman has to deal with, so the decision as to whether she will use that method is her decision (and equally, the decision of whether or not a man is going to have a vasectomy is the man’s decision because it’s his body).

That’s why, when the Existentialist and I decided that the mini-pill wasn’t the best contraceptive method for me, because it limits the preventative medicines I can take for migraines, may in fact be contributing to my migraines, and potentially carries unknown health risks if used long-term. I decided that I didn’t want to take hormonal contraception, and he supported my decsion. And after I had the coil put in yesterday and was feeling all achey and horrible, the Existentialist looked after me, and made me a hot water bottle, and a yummy supper of comfort food, aka roast duck. As it happens, when I got to his place, he had a headache, so while he was making me a cup of tea, I made him a cup of chicken stock. How’s that for egalitarian?

–IP